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brainzzz
My head doesn’t want anymore chemistry crammed into it, so i’ll type. I had bible study today which was absolutely fantastic. We talked about salt and light again this week and what it meant to be a christian and integrate yourself into the lives of others like salt and to preserve the good in the world from spoiling. Because yes, the world is is corrupt, but it is also good. God said it himself. We are meant to help preserve the goodness of it. I am meant to preserve the goodness of it. In the sense of being a light, typically I do a fucking awful job. But it’s absurd to think that just because I’m a christian, I’m going to be able to be a light everywhere all the time. Because I’m still not perfect, I’ve fallen just like everyone else. It’s just the cultural view that christians are supposed to be perfect and have it all together, and when we aren’t and we screw up, our sins are magnified and we are viewed as hypocrites. Which is true, we are hypocrites. We live by standards that we know are right and we tell people it is the way to live, but when we cant do it ourselves it just makes us look bad. Which I think is why I struggle with wanting to be a light for others. Because it makes me a light alone in the darkness, and if I don’t do a good job of showing God’s beauty and love, well then that’s on me. And it’s so much easier to be a lukewarm christian. It’s not cool to not be a christian and its really not cool to be super passionate about it because people automatically want to call you out on how screwed up you are. Being a “lukewarm christian” is well easy…I mean, I don’t have to go out of my way to show God to others, so I can avoid confrontation, but I can have forgiveness from God even though I don’t deserve it. It’s pretty much all the glory from christianity but I’m not paying anything back, which is starting to really bother me. I’m also afraid if I were to be a light in darkness, someone might take my light and I might become lost. I don’t think I’m strong enough in my faith to not be swayed by what some might say about christianity and how wrong it is. Even though I know what I believe in, I just don’t know if I’m really that bright yet. What I found interesting was that Brent, pointed out that the christian ghettos we create for ourselves are often the least lit places. Because we create this bubble surrounded by “good people and good things” and we convince ourselves that we are good. That just because we call ourselves christians, we’re better than everyone else. And that’s totally not the case. The only things we DO have is a hunger for Christ and the light that He has put in us. It is absolutely nothing we have done or deserve. Back to the christian bubble thing…He gave an example of a private christian school, and a girl screws up and gets pregnant. Is it christianly for the school to kick her out? It makes it seem like the school is for perfect people only, an exclusive christian club. Which is the complete opposite of what christianity is all about! What that is saying is that it is not ok to not be ok. Even though we all sin and we all know that, we still pretend that we’re perfect. but since God saved us, it is ok that we’re not ok. Gahh i just love that! But rather we hide behind our christian barricades and throw evangelical grenades at people who we think deserve them, when in reality we all deserve to just suck it. So why do we feel so highly esteemed; so royal? (Matthew 5:13-16 is what our bible study was based off of in case whoever is reading this wants to look at it.) It was just a really interesting topic and discussion and very convicting. It impacted the rest of my day, and I can say that honestly. I didn’t just walk out and forget it, but it actually changed my thinking on how I should act and how I should treat others. Now we’ll see about tomorrow…
What was really intriguing though was the conversation we had after bible study was over. About six or so guys stayed and we were just talking to Brent about stuff like, well we were kind of talking about legalism? Brent gave his opinion on stuff like cussing in art. Like how mumford and sons have some of the most redemptive lyrics, period. But in “Little Lion Man” they say,” I really fucked it up this time” and Brent had a pretty cool statement. He pretty much said what we see as bad in a general worldly view I suppose is just not comparable when talking about art. Because the word “fuck” if used in the sense it’s often used in, well that’s wrong. But it adds passion to the song when mumford uses it because if they were to say” we really messed it up this time”…well it just doesn’t get the point across that they were trying to convey. If someone were to confide in me and let’s say that they’re father beat them or something horrible like that, it would sound better to say “dude, thats really fucked up. I’m sorry.” than,” dude, thats messed up…” Brent made it clear that he wasn’t right at all, but it was just his view of the word “fuck” in context of certain situations. I don’t know. Food for thought.
Whatever tomorrow brings I’ll be there, with open arms and open eyes.
-Incubus (Drive)
So I guess to conclude this poorly conveyed message I have in my head but probably doesn’t make much sense on here…I’m going to read some Mere Christianity and go to bed. UGH DEATH. I have a chemistry quiz tomorrow a.m.
