-
not yet joy
welcome to my domain! it was a good weekend, and actually its been consistently good. but not yet great. but im very ok with that. things are going well and smooth and i dont have to deal with anymore stupid stuff. i mean, im sure ill get caught up in more stupid stuff eventually, but for now, no stupid stuff. hahaha thats extremely broad. i guess what im saying is emotionally, im stable? im over her and im over it. and im done with all of it. it might now have been the most christian or nicest move i could have pulled but i needed out, and now i am, and its just one less thing to have to deal with. honestly, even when i wasn’t dealing with this one particular person, i was still just…i dont know, mad? yeah actually, except rage is more suitable. I was raging all the time, in my head anyways. its not like i was walking down ped walk just yelling at people and tackling everything i saw, although that would be funny. but i found a dangerous road with music and taking music and lyrics and applying exactly what they were playing and singing directly to myself, and some of it just wasn’t good lo listen to when i was where i was at. i understand exactly why i was, it was almost me self-medicating with music, but it was just like drinking to self-medicate. it wasn’t getting me anywhere. it’d be really fucking hard to stop listening to the music ive been listening to for the past…well 6 months pretty much, because ive simply fallen in love with the genre. but i dont think thats really something i have to do. i think with time ill stop applying the music to certain things, certain people and i can hopefully just enjoy it for what it is. or maybe not, i could be wrong. but all i know is im not going to be able to give it up. however i did make a playlist on spotify today of stuff i wasn’t really too familiar with or not familiar with at all and just wanted to hear. its got close to 300 songs on it, so that should keep me busy for a while at least. i also made a playlist of just all the music ive primarily listened to in the past few months, and its crazy how different it is to the music i listened to, well, for the majority of my life, thank you richard. a shout out to one of my many followers (2) hey georganna as well. thanks for making me smoke cigarettes, i hate you. actually no i dont. hey i made you a sandwich today. ANYWAYS! but yeah so all in all, im doing very well, atleast on a life standpoint. emotionally, yeah id say im pretty good there, now i want to take this probably small window of being content and comfortable and explore my values, beliefs, goals, passions. that sounds really, i dont know, whatever i want to, so im going to. but ill probably write that in my journal so i can look back at in a years to come, so sorry you dont get to know tumblr, what can i say…sucks to suck. ooooh goal number one, start going to bed earlier. its like a hangover in the morning. not that im really hungover and not that im not getting enough sleep because im still getting a good amount, i just sleep late on my weekends and then i cant go to church. i tried this sunday, but i was up til 4 saturday night, thank you again georganna, and it was just not gonna happen once sunday morning came along. i realize im going to have to wake up early for my job when im oldr so i might as well start kind of going back to a regular circadian rhythm, because mine just has to be off! i mean its 2am and im WIDE AWAKE. or maybe i should enjoy this, because its the last few years i get to stay up late and have fun. i dont know, i figure im not really ever going to be a morning person, so my mornings are always going to suck i guess. oh joy. gosh i need to start writing more often but less amount because i write way too much when i do. but anyway, im happy where i am right now, i just dont know whats going to happen tomorrow. everything might change, and thats just scary.
